1.         Improving my spiritual life

(a)        Pray every night
(b)        Attend Novena on a weekly basis
(c)        Attend mass every week without fail
(d)        Go for bible studies (ad hoc), bi-weekly Prayer Meets and volunteer work at mission organizations

2.         Professional life

(a)        Massive mergers and acquisitions as requested by CFO
(b)        On the ball with lots of resolutions, board meetings and corporate finance
(c)        Corporate restructuring and integration
(d)        Shifting of office premises

Deadline : End of this year!!

3.         Personal life

(a)        Dedicate more time to family, especially elders
(b)        Get a manual license once and for all!
(c)        Find a life partner (hopefully, as yet again….)

Just had a reflection as I look at myself through the years. I am not sure if I have grown up as compared to in my teens and early twenties. Some will say I have, some no. Nevertheless, I always feel it is good to retain a childlike side, no matter how old you are.

I used to go around in life being carefree with nary a worry. Thus, the first job I had was something I was passionate about. Yet, politics, bureaucracy and whatnot killed off the passion altogether. I remember ever storming out of a meeting because someone took my idea and passed it off as her own. And I was accused of lying when I said that was my idea! Bloody scholar! She was already on the fast track to promotion, yet why must she do that to everyone else?

Since then, I lost my passion in a lot of things. What does a job mean to me nowadays? Is it just to self-sustain, or is it something more? A job used to mean something much more to me - it used to be my life, my hobby. But now it is like a routine, something I had to do because I need to, not because I want to.

I can understand why people become unhappy, because they are stuck in a dead end job with no prospects, and still need to do it because their livelihood depends on it. How many people I know really love their jobs? Most do it because they have to, not because they want to. Not everyone is lucky to be able to do what they love.

Luckily I found back my passion in life. Even if I am stuck in a dead end job, there are many other things I can do to make myself happy. Making my friends happy for one. Making my family happy. Reaching out to others through God's word and work. Organising events for friends. Travelling and adventure.

I only hope I can still retain my childlike side, of being quirky, of being weird, of being "misunderstood". But then again, no one has really seen me beyond the surface save for my family members, close friends and guys I have been with. And from feedback, I think they do not like what they see. But who cares! I am just being myself, so people can either take it or leave it!

I have no idea what had come over me lately. I seem to be losing focus on everything. For some reason, I cannot seem to do my work well nowadays. And I really have no excuses for myself, because I should be able to come up with relatively good work, instead of the sub-standard things I have been doing lately.

However, at the point I was doing, I ensured I checked everything thoroughly and properly. Yet for some reason, whenever things were sent out, somehow there were mistakes. I do feel very embarrassed at being told off, but I was not about to break down in the office!

It makes me consider whether is it time to move on? Or shall I stay and keep losing focused and getting told off?

Thinking back on all these years I have been working, somehow I think I have come rather far. When I was teaching, I knew nothing except how to control a class and how to ensure the kids behave. I was clueless over everything else. I thought the world was so simple.

When I went back to law, the first time I got thrown into a corporate environment, I knew not what to do. People refused to help, or rather, they had no time to supervise as they were all busy with their own stuff. I did not know how to handle that, as all along, I had guidance. So I was really dazed on what to do.

When I first came out, there were so many things I did not know. I thought I knew enough, as afterall, as a teacher, you need to know things to get the student's respect. But what I knew was just a scrape off the surface.

I had no idea what is corporate finance, what is mergers and acquisitions, what is due diligence. When I sat down with the lawyers hearing about their projects and what they did, I was astounded, as I had no idea what they were talking about!

I guess one learns. The older one gets, the more exposed and experienced one gets. It also helps to be in an established company where I can get exposed to things. Imagine if I am still teaching, I will still be living in my own world and not knowing what is going on in society.

Perhaps that is why those who went into teaching as a second career often like it better and find it better, because after being exposed to the corporate world, a more sheltered environment is just child's play. Whereas for me, I am pretty happy where I am, and I just want to look forward to learning more things even in these troubled times.

Now that there are bad times ahead, companies are cutting costs by downsizing or freezing headcounts. Which makes me worry for myself, whether I still have a job if I come back from vacation next month?

The launch during the weekend was hardly a success, considering there was hardly any crowd at all. The industry I am in will get it the worst whenever there is a recession, because bread and butter issues are much more pertinent during times like these than other things.

People simply cannot afford the luxuries like before. It is trying for everyone, yet banks and finance companies, instead of being compassionate, they push people more into corners and the number of bankruptcy cases will increase. I will not be surprised if suicide rates go up if this goes on!

Working for a public company (or rather, a government body and statutory board) is more structured. Besides the normal working hours and the overtime one has to put in, there is more welfare like medical and leave benefits. Of course, not every government body is like that, for instance, teachers are exceptions to this rule.

The only thing about a government body is they emphasise too much on qualifications without giving a chance for people to show their true ability. There may be people with higher qualifications but not that capable. Similarly, there may be people with lesser qualifications yet able to do their work very well.

Yet, in a government body, people are paid according to their qualifications. Promotion prospects and better welfare always go to those with better qualifications, leaving those with lesser qualifications stuck in the same kind of jobs year after year, with not much chance of getting promoted or have any increment.

So these people go and upgrade their qualifications. There are those lucky ones who manage to get scholarships to upgrade their qualifications. But there are those who cannot afford not to work, so does part-time studies. Yet, once they have finally graduated, chances are a lot of them are not recognised as degree holders and still remain the same rank, drawing the same salary.

With the performance appraisal system for civil servants, is it any wonder why everyone is trying to step on everyone else just to climb higher? Is it any wonder there are more backstabbing going around, more tale-telling?

A private company, on the other hand, may be less structured, even for a private company that is public listed. But a private company will recognise one for their capability and efforts, despite the qualifications. There are more people studying part-time and having their degrees recognised in the end.

But in a private company, the welfare may not be as good as in a public company. There are rigidities to medical and leave benefits. However, the promotion and increment prospects are more equal, even for those with lower qualifications.

So everywhere has its pros and cons. Working for a government has to be prepared to take in all the autocracy and bureaucracy of the system. Working for a private company has to be prepared to take in a bit of mess in the system. At least this is from my experiences so far from the various companies I have worked in.