A bit early this wishlist is, since a wishlist or goals, is normally set at the beginning of every year, or end of every year to carry on to the next year. But now that I'm another year older and looking back on all those decades of my life where nothing much has really been achieved, it is better to be early to set out what I intend to do once and for all before I start procrastinating again!

1. Pursue further studies. About time I do that, considering most people my age or younger already have pretty high qualifications and having greater prospects in work and life.

2. Read two books a month. I have bought new books, as well as needing to refresh the old books I have. I really do need to start reading voraciously again, something I have stopped doing for the past ten years or so.

3. Keep fit. In other words, start losing weight. I aim to go down at least five kilograms and get back the shape I used to be back in secondary school. Which means more workouts, more exercise, and perhaps more slimming sessions, and cutting down on my favourite snacks. :-(

4. Get a manual license. Another long overdue one. Sometimes it kind of gets me down that I am not able to drive people around.

5. Restructure my life. In other words, start doing up a better financial plan and save up more for the future.

6. Publish some works. Perhaps it is time to start digging out all the creative writing I have done throughout my school days, editing and amending them, and then send the manuscripts to publishers and see if I can succeed in that. If my work gets published, it will be a dream come true, beyond my wildest thoughts!

7. Cook or bake a different dish every day (or the days when I can reach home early). Be like Julie Powell and experiment with 524 recipes in 365 days! See if I can turn this hobby into prosperity!

And the deadline? One to five years! I will check back this time next year and see how far I have progressed!

You know how people always say their prayers never get answered so they stop believing? Sometimes I wonder if I will take my religion for granted if I had been a cradle Catholic instead of a convert. Even then my path to “enlightenment” has been relatively easier than others. Sure, I had the normal disputes with my parents when it came to religion, I had a hard time convincing them why I had to go to church when I was younger, but still, there was no melodrama.

Which makes me wonder have I taken things for granted? I have been griping about unanswered prayers, wondering why my life is worse than some others who have no religion but still leading much better lives. I even backslided for a while as I simply felt it was no use going to church and going through the motions if nothing is going to happen.

But upon thinking back, I haven’t had it that bad. Even though I was not born in a Christian family, I had been blessed since young. I have great parents who will always be the first ones to help me out of a jam. Sure, we have had our disagreements especially to upbringing and disciplinary methods, our arguments, our fights, our quarrels, our problems in communication, but my parents have never let me down, despite the times I let them down.

I have a wonderful brother who is always there for me, even though I have never been a good sister, or an exemplary example of an older sibling. Definitely I am not the older sister which younger siblings look up to, yet he is still magnanimous enough to be nice to me.

I have great cousins who are also always willing to lend me a listening ear and help me out of problems, giving me their two cents’ worth and whipping me into shape when needed. Despite me taking things for granted, they will still always be there for me. Sometimes I feel I have not been good enough to them.

I have great friends who are also always ready to help me out when needed, some who have been there through the more pertinent moments of my life. At times I do wonder, have I been a good enough friend? Have I shown the same amount of care and concern to them as they have to me?

So even though I do not realize it, God has been there for me in His own way. He gave me wonderful people in my life so my life will not be that bad. He let me go through certain issues in life so I will emerge stronger. He let me learn from experiences so my life will be more enriched. And He has never lost faith in me, despite the many times when I have turned away, when I have lost faith, when I have hurled abuse at Him for my life being screwed up.

Yet His grace is bountiful. At times during my most desperate moments, when I thought all had abandoned me, when I thought nothing short of a miracle could help me, He showed me what it means to have faith. He showed me His light and His goodness, and lifted me up from my desolate state, letting me know it is not as destitute as I thought.

God has been good to me, even though He may not ask for anything back. People around me have also been good to me, despite the way I am. I should stop being ungrateful and taking things for granted and be more involved in His work, as well as showing more fidelity to the people around me. I will be a better person, and I strive to be one too!

Is it June already? June used to be my hated month, because even though it was the school holidays, my mother would make me do advance preparation for the next semester, thus I could not play like the rest of my peers. When December comes, she would then make me prepare for the following year. And one wonders why I used to hate studying so much.

Now that it is June, I wonder how did half a year go by so fast? What have I done for the half year? Besides being more involved in religious work and having a change of environment, there is nothing much I have achieved.

But that is life. Either I go out and make a difference on my own, or else have to stick to being mundane and routine. Which is why I yearn to make more of a difference, to the people around me, to myself, to what I need to do.

Hopefully the next half of the year goes by without a glitch!

Just had a reflection as I look at myself through the years. I am not sure if I have grown up as compared to in my teens and early twenties. Some will say I have, some no. Nevertheless, I always feel it is good to retain a childlike side, no matter how old you are.

I used to go around in life being carefree with nary a worry. Thus, the first job I had was something I was passionate about. Yet, politics, bureaucracy and whatnot killed off the passion altogether. I remember ever storming out of a meeting because someone took my idea and passed it off as her own. And I was accused of lying when I said that was my idea! Bloody scholar! She was already on the fast track to promotion, yet why must she do that to everyone else?

Since then, I lost my passion in a lot of things. What does a job mean to me nowadays? Is it just to self-sustain, or is it something more? A job used to mean something much more to me - it used to be my life, my hobby. But now it is like a routine, something I had to do because I need to, not because I want to.

I can understand why people become unhappy, because they are stuck in a dead end job with no prospects, and still need to do it because their livelihood depends on it. How many people I know really love their jobs? Most do it because they have to, not because they want to. Not everyone is lucky to be able to do what they love.

Luckily I found back my passion in life. Even if I am stuck in a dead end job, there are many other things I can do to make myself happy. Making my friends happy for one. Making my family happy. Reaching out to others through God's word and work. Organising events for friends. Travelling and adventure.

I only hope I can still retain my childlike side, of being quirky, of being weird, of being "misunderstood". But then again, no one has really seen me beyond the surface save for my family members, close friends and guys I have been with. And from feedback, I think they do not like what they see. But who cares! I am just being myself, so people can either take it or leave it!

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful mummies in the world! I've lived three decades and what have I learnt from my mum? As well as my cousins who are mums?

I have learnt that being a mother is not an easy thing. You think being a woman is hard, try being a woman who is a wife and mother. My mother holds a demanding full time job, takes care of the family, committed to my dad and raises three rascals. She found time to do her Masters and passed with flying colours. She found time to supervise us in our work and teaches us the right values in life.

It has never been an easy time for my mum and me. There was a long period where we did not communicate with each other, because she seemed to put down everything I said. When I had failures in life, she would put me down. When I was upset, she would be sarcastic. Because of that, I battled with my self-esteem and confidence for a very long period.

Then in 2006, something happened. I went into a major crisis. I was deep in the pits. I thought no one would pity me, be there for me. Yet it was my mum who found out about it first. It was she who pulled me up when I was down. It was she who helped me out without wavering, without judging. Even though I had disappointed and hurt her deeply, she never uttered a word and just tried her best to help me.

And help me she did. So much that I no longer have communication problems with her. Now I can talk to her for everything, almost at least. I no longer have self-esteem and confidence problems. She helped me start life anew (besides God). She helped me see that the world is still beautiful.

So this Mother's Day, I want to tell my mum how much I love her. How much I adore her, look up to her, respect her. Nothing can ever replace her in my heart. Mummy, I love you! You are really the best!

Lately I have been trying to solve some dispute between two friends. I used to think I was rather "problematic" but actually after living my life the way it is and has been, I find it a very good thing to help others with similar experiences. It makes me feel good inside.

Helping others is really a blessing, and it is indeed a better blessing to give than to receive. In the past my prayers were mostly focused on myself, but nowadays I tend to pray more for other people, my friends, family, et al. I feel happy when my friends are able to find peace, and that makes me feel warm and peaceful inside too!

I was away at a CHOICE weekend. The workshops covered are on the choices we make in our lives with regards to the people we have relationships with (parents, siblings, employers, employees, friends, etc).

We had to stay in a retreat house and most of the participants have certain issues in their lives which they need to find answers to and make choices. Issues like boy-girl relationships, communication with parents and peers, forgiveness and healing, getting rid of their hurts and bitterness.

Come to think of it, at this stage in my life, I am pretty satisfied. I have started getting along with my parents since a few years back. I have great friends. I am enjoying my life, living a fun and enriching one. There is nothing to get me really cheesed off and bitter about.

Hence, I find it refreshing to hear how others rave and rant for once. Perhaps just a few years back, I was the one who would be raving and ranting, but this time round, whatever covered in the retreat are rather in sync with my values, so I see no further things to contribute.

I was a mess for a long time, hence all my relationships failed, be it amongst parents, relatives, guys I have dated, friends. I lost quite a lot of friends because of my own actions as who would like to hang out with someone who took things so hard and personal?

Then once my relationship with my parents improved and I became a happier and more carefree person, I find that my self-esteem and confidence improve too. Once that happens, my relationships with everyone else improve. I found back my long-lost friends, I made new friends, I have never been happier.

Perhaps happiness is really dependent on ourselves? We can choose to remain unhappy or we can choose to move on and start anew. Once I moved on and started anew, things automatically fall into place!

After feeling so weary the past couple of days, all of a sudden, I'm in a chipper mood today! This being April Fool's and all, but I'm not fooling around! I've really been rejuvenated! Maybe what I need is just more sleep after the hurricane and mad rush the past few weeks!

I have no idea why I am feeling such fatigue the past couple of days. I can hardly concentrate on anything! I screwed up even a minor piece of work in the office! I have no inclination to go out for lunch, nor talk to anyone, nor reply emails. I just ended up staring into thin air and wondering what to do when normally, I would have finished a day's work smoothly.

Somehow I was just out of sorts. I slept so early last night - at 9pm! - that Mummy asked if I was ok. My eyes were closing the whole day today, and my brain just went on strike the whole day, as if I was adrift somewhere and could not focus at all!

As it is, I feel like sleeping again, at just 9:20pm! I normally do not sleep so early! I am more of a nocturnal creature (although some may disagree) and will not sleep until past midnight or later, but for some reason, I just feel like sleeping a lot lately!

Happy New Year! Happy 2009! I am back from Japan, and now feeling the unbearable heat after two weeks of cool wind and cold snow! Still, it had been a great and enjoyable experience, my first solo trip, later to be joined by others and we all had a great time despite the ups and downs! This trip is a real eye opener, and it has been so fun that I almost did not feel like coming back! Nevertheless, I am proud of myself that I can finally make a trip of my own without any glitch. Hopefully there will be more to come!

Is it December already? How time flies! I seriously wonder what I have done this year? This should be a good year, a year of a turning point in my life, but for some reason things seem to have gone downhill instead. Ever since 2007 when the year ended on a sour note, carried forward to the new year, it should be an omen of disaster that things will not bode well for me. At least I have not achieved anything great (again!).

The least I can hope is that I can close this year in peace and hopefully next year will be a better year while I embark on my new journey in a new decade! I am keeping my fingers crossed that there will not be any further obstacles that I will face! I have had enough setbacks this year to last me for the next ten years!

I realise the older I get, the more experience I gain, the more exposure I get, the higher my expectations are. It is not necessarily bad, but then at times, it may mean I am not satisfied with anything and keep craving for more and things will never end.

There are a number of aspects in my life I am not impressed with, mainly due to my own fault, so trying to rectify them within my control. Recently, I have friends asking me, exactly what it takes to impress me, especially for a guy?

Hmmm... I admit I am not an easy person. When I was younger, I was more idealistic and simpler, so would just take anything as it came. But now at this stage, after the experiences I had, after the kind of things I discovered I like, it is like a "been there, done that, experienced these", so nothing much really impresses me anymore.

Thus, it takes a really extraordinary person to impress me. I am not impressed by people who try hard to impress me. I prefer people to be just themselves instead of putting up a farce. I am impressed with those who can impress me without even trying to impress me in the first place!

So there. Impressing someone is not trying to impress; rather just be yourself. If the person is not impressed, then so be it, because it is not possible to click with everyone.

The aftermath of a holiday is always the busiest. When I was young, I had no worries as we would go away after the exams or during the holidays, so there was nothing to catch up on upon return. ow with work and other aspects of lifestyle, it had been a busy week catching up on outstanding matters, matters that accumulated when I was away, meeting up with friends and sorting out the numerous photos I have taken.

Maybe that is why people are reluctant to go on vacations, as they do not want to face the aftermath of piled up matters. But for me, what matters is I can see the world and get exposed to things otherwise not seen locally. And that is why I enjoy vacationing, because that is the only way I can get out of my shell and realise just how small I am in light of the surroundings!

It is good to go away once in a while, away from all the grind of everyday life, from all the stress and frustrations in the normal days. But then, what makes anyone think having a vacation is any less stress and frustrating?

Still, it is good to explore places, otherwise I will never know how "small" my world really is, especially in light of all the natural unspoiled beauty of the surroundings overseas. Now I have to get back to my own mundane life, and I kind of miss the unspoiled wilderness which somehow makes me feel more carefree.

Oh well... back to work! Got lots to catch up on!

Finally I am this age! Waited all my life. When I was twenty, I had plans on what I intended to do, to achieve. Ten years flitted by with none of the plans materialising. Now, I am again planning what I want and intend to achieve by the time I reach forty. This time round, hopefully some can materialise.

So what do I intend to do? It is time to be more focused, so I shall just set out what it is I need :

1. Career Booster
2. See the World (in process)
3. Find a mate and settle down
4. Get my own place and hopefully own car
5. Get post-graduate qualifications

These are but material things, but at least these are things I can work towards. Many things are beyond my control, but I believe if I am to set my heart and strive for it, I can achieve!

At times I really wonder what I am doing with my life. My mum used to ask me why do I let her down in every aspect? When am I going to stop making a mess out of my life? Well, maybe I just happen to be those unlucky ones who are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, instead of those lucky ones who can be at the right place at the right time.

But honestly, I do feel bad. I look at people my age, most have established themselves, most have gotten married or getting married, some married with kids. Some have enough to buy a place and move out on their own, some can invest and grow their investments, some are able to sponsor their parents on holidays.

I have not done any of the above. I wonder if I can even do any of the above? My mum's earning about three times what I am earning, so technically, she does not need me to sponsor her in any way, but still, I hope to be able to do more for my parents. Yet I am not earning enough to be able to give her more.

Worse, I have done so many wrong things in my life that got her so disappointed in me so many times. Like going out with the wrong types of people. Not having a good degree. Letting people take advantage of me. Not able to settle into a good job. Lost all my money due to bad investment decisions, and now it will probably take me another ten years to earn back everything.

I want my parents to be happy with me too! What is wrong with that? Is it really my fault that I can never meet up to expectations? I wish I can be like others who can make their parents happy and do so much for their parents as well. But right now, I am rather limited on what I can do, save to take care of them in the future. But as it is, my parents do not even believe I will be taking care of them!

Now that there are bad times ahead, companies are cutting costs by downsizing or freezing headcounts. Which makes me worry for myself, whether I still have a job if I come back from vacation next month?

The launch during the weekend was hardly a success, considering there was hardly any crowd at all. The industry I am in will get it the worst whenever there is a recession, because bread and butter issues are much more pertinent during times like these than other things.

People simply cannot afford the luxuries like before. It is trying for everyone, yet banks and finance companies, instead of being compassionate, they push people more into corners and the number of bankruptcy cases will increase. I will not be surprised if suicide rates go up if this goes on!

I find that the older I get, the less time I have to do things. No, make it the less incline I am to do things. People often say hobbies are cultivated since young, but as one gets on in years, they dropped some interests and cultivated others. And I seem to have cultivated more interests in my adulthood than when I was young.

Perhaps because when I was young my parents tend to tell me what to do, what not to do, what I was allowed to do, what I was not allowed. So the only way to re-live all my childhood interests is to do them in adulthood.

One thing I have always loved since young is to read and write. I was restricted from reading too much in my younger years as my mum thought that reading would take up too much time and she would rather I spend the time actually studying and revising my school work, which I hated. In fact, I hated almost all school subjects except Literature. I love History too, but a pity I did not manage to take up History until later on.

However, lately I have not been doing much reading. What was the last book I actually read? In fact, this year, I have not been reading much. Why, I wonder? Not just reading, I have not been doing a lot of things as well, like watching movies, listening to music. I just feel so tired when I reach home, and most weekends I rather chill out and relax than actually doing something.

Not a good sign. Must start cultivating good habits again, otherwise I may just live the rest of my life bumming around like that.

Imagine this scenario : A is very intelligent, he gets things very quickly, and he knows the right things to do at the right time. However, he is bossy, offensive, selfish and he goes around backstabbing and telling tales, all to ensure his own success. He does not do anything unless it is directly beneficial to himself.

B, on the other hand, is not that intelligent. He is always at the butt of A’s jokes, always being put down for being slow. However, he has a warm and caring heart, never hesitating to help someone in need. He genuinely helps others without expecting anything back.

As a result, people like B more than A. Who do you think will be likely to succeed? Is it A, who is always efficient, or B, who is not so efficient but hard-working and likeable? Perhaps many of you will think it is A, but actually the one who may succeed in the end is B, because he has a higher EQ than A.

Thus, in order to succeed in the workplace, having a high IQ is not enough. Face it, how many graduates are there out there now? Just throw a stone and you can hit someone who is a graduate, or a post-graduate even. So all things equal, someone with a higher EQ will be the one that stands out.

Sad to say, not many people realize this. They think as long as they achieve their best in their jobs, they do not need to care about anything else as they will be the ones being recognized. One can be recognized for work, but work is work. The one that is recognized is normally the one who has a sincere heart and who remains professional.

So in order to be successful, one must have both high levels of IQ and EQ. Throw in a high level of FQ and one will be all set!

Happy belated Teacher's Day to all my teaching peers! Teachers nowadays have to be an educator, a care-taker, a customer liaison officer, an administrator, a babysitter, an all-rounder in one! One needs to have a high level of IQ and EQ in order to do a job like that.

Unfortunately, a lot of teachers I have come across give their all to the kids, which is a noble thing, but because of that, they face the kids day in day out and tend to lose touch with the society. One really grows when one goes out to work and face the trivialities that go on in day to day life. Being cooped up in the classroom the whole day and working long hours, certain things just have to go.

Hopefully there will be more teachers who not only spend their time in the classrooms, but also know how to have fun and see the world around. There are so many things one can explore if only one is willing to!