You know how people always say their prayers never get answered so they stop believing? Sometimes I wonder if I will take my religion for granted if I had been a cradle Catholic instead of a convert. Even then my path to “enlightenment” has been relatively easier than others. Sure, I had the normal disputes with my parents when it came to religion, I had a hard time convincing them why I had to go to church when I was younger, but still, there was no melodrama.

Which makes me wonder have I taken things for granted? I have been griping about unanswered prayers, wondering why my life is worse than some others who have no religion but still leading much better lives. I even backslided for a while as I simply felt it was no use going to church and going through the motions if nothing is going to happen.

But upon thinking back, I haven’t had it that bad. Even though I was not born in a Christian family, I had been blessed since young. I have great parents who will always be the first ones to help me out of a jam. Sure, we have had our disagreements especially to upbringing and disciplinary methods, our arguments, our fights, our quarrels, our problems in communication, but my parents have never let me down, despite the times I let them down.

I have a wonderful brother who is always there for me, even though I have never been a good sister, or an exemplary example of an older sibling. Definitely I am not the older sister which younger siblings look up to, yet he is still magnanimous enough to be nice to me.

I have great cousins who are also always willing to lend me a listening ear and help me out of problems, giving me their two cents’ worth and whipping me into shape when needed. Despite me taking things for granted, they will still always be there for me. Sometimes I feel I have not been good enough to them.

I have great friends who are also always ready to help me out when needed, some who have been there through the more pertinent moments of my life. At times I do wonder, have I been a good enough friend? Have I shown the same amount of care and concern to them as they have to me?

So even though I do not realize it, God has been there for me in His own way. He gave me wonderful people in my life so my life will not be that bad. He let me go through certain issues in life so I will emerge stronger. He let me learn from experiences so my life will be more enriched. And He has never lost faith in me, despite the many times when I have turned away, when I have lost faith, when I have hurled abuse at Him for my life being screwed up.

Yet His grace is bountiful. At times during my most desperate moments, when I thought all had abandoned me, when I thought nothing short of a miracle could help me, He showed me what it means to have faith. He showed me His light and His goodness, and lifted me up from my desolate state, letting me know it is not as destitute as I thought.

God has been good to me, even though He may not ask for anything back. People around me have also been good to me, despite the way I am. I should stop being ungrateful and taking things for granted and be more involved in His work, as well as showing more fidelity to the people around me. I will be a better person, and I strive to be one too!

1.         Improving my spiritual life

(a)        Pray every night
(b)        Attend Novena on a weekly basis
(c)        Attend mass every week without fail
(d)        Go for bible studies (ad hoc), bi-weekly Prayer Meets and volunteer work at mission organizations

2.         Professional life

(a)        Massive mergers and acquisitions as requested by CFO
(b)        On the ball with lots of resolutions, board meetings and corporate finance
(c)        Corporate restructuring and integration
(d)        Shifting of office premises

Deadline : End of this year!!

3.         Personal life

(a)        Dedicate more time to family, especially elders
(b)        Get a manual license once and for all!
(c)        Find a life partner (hopefully, as yet again….)

For someone who was not brought up in a Christian family, I think God has paved the way for me very well. If it was not because of certain people in my life, I would not have found God, would not have converted, and would not be having so much fun doing God's work. Besides CHOICE which I recently joined, I am finally singing again in a church choir.

Everything is to do with choices, isn't it? If I had not attended the CHOICE weekend, I would not have suddenly found my direction and realise what I need to do to improve my faith. It is also because I feel grateful and inspired by some people who came into my life at that point in time - good Christians who serve and inspire others because they want to.

Hence I shall be doing more God's work from now on. This is not a feel-good thing, it is something I do because I want to, not because I have to. Hopefully I too can be somewhat of an inspiration to some others! :-)

I was away at a CHOICE weekend. The workshops covered are on the choices we make in our lives with regards to the people we have relationships with (parents, siblings, employers, employees, friends, etc).

We had to stay in a retreat house and most of the participants have certain issues in their lives which they need to find answers to and make choices. Issues like boy-girl relationships, communication with parents and peers, forgiveness and healing, getting rid of their hurts and bitterness.

Come to think of it, at this stage in my life, I am pretty satisfied. I have started getting along with my parents since a few years back. I have great friends. I am enjoying my life, living a fun and enriching one. There is nothing to get me really cheesed off and bitter about.

Hence, I find it refreshing to hear how others rave and rant for once. Perhaps just a few years back, I was the one who would be raving and ranting, but this time round, whatever covered in the retreat are rather in sync with my values, so I see no further things to contribute.

I was a mess for a long time, hence all my relationships failed, be it amongst parents, relatives, guys I have dated, friends. I lost quite a lot of friends because of my own actions as who would like to hang out with someone who took things so hard and personal?

Then once my relationship with my parents improved and I became a happier and more carefree person, I find that my self-esteem and confidence improve too. Once that happens, my relationships with everyone else improve. I found back my long-lost friends, I made new friends, I have never been happier.

Perhaps happiness is really dependent on ourselves? We can choose to remain unhappy or we can choose to move on and start anew. Once I moved on and started anew, things automatically fall into place!

Happy Easter everyone! This Easter marks the second anniversary of my baptism. It has been a long journey for me, not just because of the one-year RCIA, but because ever since I finished school, I have been attending churches and trying to decide exactly where my faith lies.

I feel really happy for Mr Khit. The past year had been a big commitment for him, being a sponsor and following his elects throughout the entire RCIA journey. As he shared with me the ups and downs of some of the things which the elects face, but at the end of it all, everyone chose to get baptised. This shows that the power of God is really beyond anyone's expectations!

Seeing this made me recollect my brief teaching days of old. How Mr Khit feels now is reminiscent of how I felt when after a year of scoldings, headaches and discipline problems, at the end of it all, the students improved and I could then hand them over to the next teacher the following year.

Just like how sponsors call their elects "babies", I used to call my students my "kids" or "babies". And the feeling is one of exhilaration, of happiness, of satisfaction and gratification, to be able to guide and care for them, to follow them through, and seeing them make good of themselves at the end.

This is the greatest reward of all, no other tangible or monetary benefits can ever beat the sense of fulfillment one gets in helping and guiding others. It is indeed better to give than to receive!