A book by love coach Kloudiia, on the things one needs to do in order to sustain a relationship. I guess for most of us, we did not grow up with a concept of how to handle a love relationship. It was much easier in our grandparents' time, or even our parents' time, when they were match-made and they lived their lives just like that.

For us, being the more educated and modernised generation, we expect more out of life. No longer is love and relationships that important. We do not be with someone so easily just like that. We want someone who is the right fit, someone special we can spend our lives with. Hence we get more and more picky and self-centred, expecting the other party to always cater to us, and when things do not go well, we blamed on others and not ourselves.

However, I guess deep down, everyone wants a companion. No matter what, I believe in general, no one wants to spend the rest of their lives being lonely if they have a choice. When we are young, we have our jobs and friends to have fun with. But when our friends all start getting married, and we reach retirement age, what is going to happen if we do not have a companion? Then we may need to live the remaining twenty or thirty years in loneliness.

Thus I believe most of us are out looking for someone. But after the initial period of attraction, what then? Do we live the way we have always lived when we are still single? Of course not. Once we make the decision to be with someone, we have to ensure we are half of a couple, and not on our own anymore. Which means we have to make compromises, accommodate and tolerate each other's quirks and shortcomings.

This is where some people have problems with. Some I know never like to tolerate, they think as long as the person has shortcomings, it means the person is not perfect for them. Hence they nip a budding relationship in the bud before it blossoms, when in fact, the person may be just the right one. But who in this world is perfect? Are we ourselves perfect too? Being in a relationship is not so easy as just entering one and that's it. It needs work to maintain it. It needs adjustments to each other's characters, flaws and lifestyles. It is no longer self-focused. It needs two hands to clap.

And that is where Kloudiia's book The 69 Love Notes comes in. In it, she writes about how to have a loving and lasting relationship, using sixty-nine secrets to spice up your love life. Relationships are never easy, but with her tips, coupled with the correct way of communication and mindset, anyone can have a loving and lasting relationship full of happiness and bliss.

Her book has reaffirmed a lot of what I know and have gone through. And I am sure going to continue practising what she says in order to make my relationship last!

The elements of a relationship are as follows :

Realistic - Have realistic expectations. If you choose to be with someone, then accept what he can offer. If you cannot accept it, then do not be in one in the first place.

Engaging - Have engaging conversations, being able to communicate and say whatever you want without any reservations.

Love - Without love and commitment, a relationship cannot even materialise.

Adoration - Adore and admire each other to keep the spark glowing.

Tolerance - Accepting each other wholeheartedly, tolerating faults and shortcomings and shutting the eyes to things which you may otherwise feel irritated about but still bear with because those are what makes him him, and makes her her.

Indulgence - Indulging in each other's whims, fancies and interests.

Obligation - Spend time and effort to maintain the relationship and developing the love.

Nurturing - Nurture each other to be the best each can be, and never hold each other back with selfish means.

Sincerity - Being sincere to each other, family and friends.

Homogeneity - Having certain essential similarities, like outlook, goals, compatibility, for things to flow smoothly.

Interconnection - The connection between two people, knowing what each other is thinking without needing to say a word, knowing what each other wants, thoughts and feelings and mutual understanding without saying much.

Patience - A relationship needs lots of patience and lots of work for it to bear fruit and blossom. In other words, a relationship is not instantaneous.

Wishing all those who are in relationships be happy, fulfilled and be reminded of how much they mean to each other! :-)

I met someone last Saturday whom I know owns a yacht before I even know his name! To tell the truth, I am not impressed. Rarely am I ever impressed by material wealth or movable assets. I go for intellect, character and personality more than anything else.

But this incident made me wonder - has society become such that men assume women are all materialistic, and they must show they have lots of assets before they deem themselves worthy of going after a woman? To be honest, with the society being more equal nowadays, women can stand on their own and have just as many (or more) assets than men. So they do not need to depend on men solely.

Gone are the days where women are subjugated to their husband's treatment. If one was lucky, they got to marry a wealthy man from a good background. If one was unlucky, they married a bum and then had to endure the rest of their lives. Nowadays, women are almost equal with men. They do not need men to buy them expensive gifts or for men to show how materially wealthy they are.

Which is why more women are getting pickier. They do not marry for the sake of marrying or for financial dependency anymore. It has to be a very good reason for them to be married. Which makes me wonder, I do not need someone materially wealthy, neither do I need someone high-flying. I just like someone nice, intellectual and committed. So am I really that picky? Or is it really something about me that turn men off?

Being single has its advantages, like doing anything and going anywhere anytime I like without needing to cater to someone else's schedule or revolving my life around someone else. But then being with someone is good too. At least it beats the loneliness I feel at times. It helps when I am feeling down and there is someone to comfort me, to tell me everything is alright, to let me cry and rant. It's still better and more fun to do things with someone you know who's committed to you and vice versa, someone you can carve a lovely future with.

Looks like I need to go "husband shopping" soon before my mum's incessant nagging and endless tirade starts again, on women my age who are still single and soon going downhill if we still do not find a man! Hmmmm.... meanwhile, I am still living my life as per normal, doing the things I am always doing, trusting that God will bring someone into my life soon. No big deal being single, but if I get attached, it will be one that leads to marriage, so I am not settling for just anyone!

A wedding is but one day, a marriage is for a lifetime. That is what I always believe in and adhere to.

Wedding receptions are always beautiful and meaningful. How two imperfect people can come together and start a beautiful journey, the beginning of their lifetime journey of togetherness, of commitment and everlasting love.

Hence the term "beautifully imperfect". Cliche, but true!

1. Love is for survival and self-fulfilment.

2. Love is not attraction, chemistry, sexual desire and infatuation. Love only occurs when we are past these stages.

3. Women need to talk to communication and connect. Men need to connect before communicating.

4. Men just need to lend a listening ear without giving solutions.

5. Men may be distant at times, but that does not mean they care for their women less.

6. Women appreciate a note from their men no matter how busy they are.

7. A relationship will work well only if men and women recognise and understand their differences.

8. Soulmates are not to be found instantly but through time.

9. Having chemistry does not equate to having compatibility.

10. To love is to commit. Commitment requires responsibility and fosters maturity.

11. Loving a person means his / her happiness means everything to you.

12. Mature love is unspoken and shown through actions.

13. Love is being there for each other through difficult times.

14. To love is to forgive. But do not forgive someone who betrays your trust twice.

15. People in committed relationships are happier and more successful.

16. Happiness comes from self, not others. Love yourself before you can love and give happiness to others.

A dinner with a friend last night got me affirmed that there are all kinds of weird people around. Is it any wonder then that local girls gave up on local guys? Honestly, ever since Matt and I went on our separate ways, somehow I have not been able to find decent nice men. For the past few years, the type of people I meet are those who only think of physical intimacy, or want to be in a relationship the moment a girl agrees to meet them, or want everything to be like a bullet train, or whiny, self-centered types. Not to mention the octopus I met on the train last night.

I was on the verge of giving up until last year, when I decided to give it another go. So I signed up with dating agencies in a bid to expand my social circle and hopefully to meet the right person at the right time. The first few times were not that good as well. Again, the kind of guys I met up with were the rude types, or the selfish types, or the childish types. Nothing spectacular there. I was getting really worried if these are the kinds of people I was going to meet.

Then later I examined my criteria and wondered if my expectations are too high. But on the other hand, if I am to find someone to settle down with, I cannot compromise on my life happiness, is it not? So I stuck with what I wanted. I can compromise on anything except the rest of my life. One wrong step could trigger lots of problems later on, and resulting in a lifetime of unhappiness.

At the same time, the kind of people I have been meeting up with are still below par. I was again on the verge of giving up and told myself once I used up the package, I would stop. Then this year, I happened to meet nice people for once. Even though there are still weird people around, at least there are a couple of them who are really nice and I really enjoy their friendship. Not to mention a couple more I meet elsewhere that are equally nice and decent.

So perhaps there is still hope after all. Which is why I am not losing hope, and still keeping my fingers crossed that the day will come when I can finally meet the right one at the right time!

At times I wonder, what constitutes a good relationship? Is there such a thing as a perfect match? I have friends my age or older who have never been in a relationship. Nothing is wrong with them, they just never did find anyone to be with, because during school days, they concentrated on their studies, then after graduation, they concentrated on their work, did other things like post-graduate studies, driving, and before you know it, the years have gone by without anyone in sight.

Then there are people like me, who have gone through failed relationships, and since then, never did find anyone more suitable, so still bouncing around without any hint of settling down. So what constitutes a perfect match? Is it a perfect match when both have the same shared interests and able to have fun and do things together? Or is it a perfect match when despite all the differences, both still manage to overcome everything and be together?

But I firmly believe that true love takes time, and only by going through trials can the love sustain. Nobody falls in love at first sight (okay, perhaps there are, but still, it takes time to know a person to determine whether both are really suitable). It is only when both are able to overcome the difficulties and stumbling blocks along the way that the love will emerge stronger than before.

So is there really a perfect match? Perhaps, perhaps not. Nobody is perfect, so I guess a perfect match is only as perfect as one makes them out to be - the commitment, tolerance, acceptance and respect both have for each other that determines a strong relationship.