A book by love coach Kloudiia, on the things one needs to do in order to sustain a relationship. I guess for most of us, we did not grow up with a concept of how to handle a love relationship. It was much easier in our grandparents' time, or even our parents' time, when they were match-made and they lived their lives just like that.

For us, being the more educated and modernised generation, we expect more out of life. No longer is love and relationships that important. We do not be with someone so easily just like that. We want someone who is the right fit, someone special we can spend our lives with. Hence we get more and more picky and self-centred, expecting the other party to always cater to us, and when things do not go well, we blamed on others and not ourselves.

However, I guess deep down, everyone wants a companion. No matter what, I believe in general, no one wants to spend the rest of their lives being lonely if they have a choice. When we are young, we have our jobs and friends to have fun with. But when our friends all start getting married, and we reach retirement age, what is going to happen if we do not have a companion? Then we may need to live the remaining twenty or thirty years in loneliness.

Thus I believe most of us are out looking for someone. But after the initial period of attraction, what then? Do we live the way we have always lived when we are still single? Of course not. Once we make the decision to be with someone, we have to ensure we are half of a couple, and not on our own anymore. Which means we have to make compromises, accommodate and tolerate each other's quirks and shortcomings.

This is where some people have problems with. Some I know never like to tolerate, they think as long as the person has shortcomings, it means the person is not perfect for them. Hence they nip a budding relationship in the bud before it blossoms, when in fact, the person may be just the right one. But who in this world is perfect? Are we ourselves perfect too? Being in a relationship is not so easy as just entering one and that's it. It needs work to maintain it. It needs adjustments to each other's characters, flaws and lifestyles. It is no longer self-focused. It needs two hands to clap.

And that is where Kloudiia's book The 69 Love Notes comes in. In it, she writes about how to have a loving and lasting relationship, using sixty-nine secrets to spice up your love life. Relationships are never easy, but with her tips, coupled with the correct way of communication and mindset, anyone can have a loving and lasting relationship full of happiness and bliss.

Her book has reaffirmed a lot of what I know and have gone through. And I am sure going to continue practising what she says in order to make my relationship last!

Mel's wedding last Saturday included a segment on the pouring of the Unity Sand. The sand is separated into white and pink, put in different bottles. First, the groom poured his white sand. Then the bride poured her pink sand. Then they took turns pouring their sand.

The pouring of the Unity Sand symbolises their single lives. The groom poured, then the bride poured - depicting their lives as singles. The taking turns to pour the sand, with the layers of sand in the jar, white layer, pink layer, white layer, pink layer, represents their single lives being interspersed with each other.

Around the last part, they poured the sand together, the white and pink being fused together, representing their lives as joint in one, no longer single. How beautiful... and meaningful!

Marriage, at the end, is an intersperse of two people, who is willing to make the commitment to be joined in one, for the rest of their lives. It takes a lot of work not to break that commitment!

I met someone last Saturday whom I know owns a yacht before I even know his name! To tell the truth, I am not impressed. Rarely am I ever impressed by material wealth or movable assets. I go for intellect, character and personality more than anything else.

But this incident made me wonder - has society become such that men assume women are all materialistic, and they must show they have lots of assets before they deem themselves worthy of going after a woman? To be honest, with the society being more equal nowadays, women can stand on their own and have just as many (or more) assets than men. So they do not need to depend on men solely.

Gone are the days where women are subjugated to their husband's treatment. If one was lucky, they got to marry a wealthy man from a good background. If one was unlucky, they married a bum and then had to endure the rest of their lives. Nowadays, women are almost equal with men. They do not need men to buy them expensive gifts or for men to show how materially wealthy they are.

Which is why more women are getting pickier. They do not marry for the sake of marrying or for financial dependency anymore. It has to be a very good reason for them to be married. Which makes me wonder, I do not need someone materially wealthy, neither do I need someone high-flying. I just like someone nice, intellectual and committed. So am I really that picky? Or is it really something about me that turn men off?

Being single has its advantages, like doing anything and going anywhere anytime I like without needing to cater to someone else's schedule or revolving my life around someone else. But then being with someone is good too. At least it beats the loneliness I feel at times. It helps when I am feeling down and there is someone to comfort me, to tell me everything is alright, to let me cry and rant. It's still better and more fun to do things with someone you know who's committed to you and vice versa, someone you can carve a lovely future with.

Looks like I need to go "husband shopping" soon before my mum's incessant nagging and endless tirade starts again, on women my age who are still single and soon going downhill if we still do not find a man! Hmmmm.... meanwhile, I am still living my life as per normal, doing the things I am always doing, trusting that God will bring someone into my life soon. No big deal being single, but if I get attached, it will be one that leads to marriage, so I am not settling for just anyone!

A wedding is but one day, a marriage is for a lifetime. That is what I always believe in and adhere to.

Wedding receptions are always beautiful and meaningful. How two imperfect people can come together and start a beautiful journey, the beginning of their lifetime journey of togetherness, of commitment and everlasting love.

Hence the term "beautifully imperfect". Cliche, but true!

Music is the physical attraction, the sex. Lyrics is the background, the story behind.

Thus, music, without lyrics, cannot function on its own. After the music, comes the lyrics. Lyrics, without the music, does not work well as well. The perfect music and lyrics combination is the most beautiful of all.

Hence, many people are still searching for the perfect music and lyrics combination to make things right!

Tech Support: Yes, ... how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install LOVE. Can you guide me though the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running?

Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge, and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program notrun on external components." What should I do?

Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart.Is this normal?

Tech Support:  Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So LOVE is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. LOVE is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Love does not mean giving flowers or gifts; neither does it mean being the same or doing the same things.

Love means being there for the person through happy times and sad times.

Love means setting the person free.

Loving someone does not mean needing to be with someone.

Love means taking care of the person’s needs, family and friends like how you will take care of your own family and friends.

Love is not instantaneous, neither is it overnight. Rather, it is built on a solid foundation before being able to cultivate into something beautiful.

Love does not mean giving and taking all the time, neither does it mean compromising all the time. I should know.

Loving a person does not mean compromising on the very principles and values you hold dear. Rather, love means accepting the person’s strengths and weaknesses. But if there are things you cannot accept, then drop it and move on.

Love is not jealous or possessive. Neither is it insecure.

Love is not kicking up a fuss when the person neglects you, or takes a long time to respond to you, or does not wish to go out with you.

Love is understanding that a person needs space.

Love is giving the person full trust. Only be being confident and secure can the love blossom.

Most importantly, love means commitment. The ultimate act of love is to be committed to the person. Commitment means settling down with the person, and not looking around anymore. It means once you have made the choice, stick with it and take things as it comes.

Love does not mean romance or people saying how much they love or miss each other; but real action.

Love is not lip service, but doing things. Real things need not be said, but done. Keep promises and take initiative, instead of just calling and talking.

And that is mature love, not childish love anymore.

1. Love is for survival and self-fulfilment.

2. Love is not attraction, chemistry, sexual desire and infatuation. Love only occurs when we are past these stages.

3. Women need to talk to communication and connect. Men need to connect before communicating.

4. Men just need to lend a listening ear without giving solutions.

5. Men may be distant at times, but that does not mean they care for their women less.

6. Women appreciate a note from their men no matter how busy they are.

7. A relationship will work well only if men and women recognise and understand their differences.

8. Soulmates are not to be found instantly but through time.

9. Having chemistry does not equate to having compatibility.

10. To love is to commit. Commitment requires responsibility and fosters maturity.

11. Loving a person means his / her happiness means everything to you.

12. Mature love is unspoken and shown through actions.

13. Love is being there for each other through difficult times.

14. To love is to forgive. But do not forgive someone who betrays your trust twice.

15. People in committed relationships are happier and more successful.

16. Happiness comes from self, not others. Love yourself before you can love and give happiness to others.

The love of my life! When I came home, he would always be the first to greet me, wagging its tail, sticking out its tongue. When I left the house, he would come bounding up to me, hoping for a stroke, a pet or a hug. When I let him sleep with me, he would lie down on the floor so obediently, then jump on my bed in the morning, waking me up by licking me all over.

How I wish I can be woken up like this for the rest of my life! I believe he will always be there for me, for better for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.

A dinner with a friend last night got me affirmed that there are all kinds of weird people around. Is it any wonder then that local girls gave up on local guys? Honestly, ever since Matt and I went on our separate ways, somehow I have not been able to find decent nice men. For the past few years, the type of people I meet are those who only think of physical intimacy, or want to be in a relationship the moment a girl agrees to meet them, or want everything to be like a bullet train, or whiny, self-centered types. Not to mention the octopus I met on the train last night.

I was on the verge of giving up until last year, when I decided to give it another go. So I signed up with dating agencies in a bid to expand my social circle and hopefully to meet the right person at the right time. The first few times were not that good as well. Again, the kind of guys I met up with were the rude types, or the selfish types, or the childish types. Nothing spectacular there. I was getting really worried if these are the kinds of people I was going to meet.

Then later I examined my criteria and wondered if my expectations are too high. But on the other hand, if I am to find someone to settle down with, I cannot compromise on my life happiness, is it not? So I stuck with what I wanted. I can compromise on anything except the rest of my life. One wrong step could trigger lots of problems later on, and resulting in a lifetime of unhappiness.

At the same time, the kind of people I have been meeting up with are still below par. I was again on the verge of giving up and told myself once I used up the package, I would stop. Then this year, I happened to meet nice people for once. Even though there are still weird people around, at least there are a couple of them who are really nice and I really enjoy their friendship. Not to mention a couple more I meet elsewhere that are equally nice and decent.

So perhaps there is still hope after all. Which is why I am not losing hope, and still keeping my fingers crossed that the day will come when I can finally meet the right one at the right time!

At times I wonder, what constitutes a good relationship? Is there such a thing as a perfect match? I have friends my age or older who have never been in a relationship. Nothing is wrong with them, they just never did find anyone to be with, because during school days, they concentrated on their studies, then after graduation, they concentrated on their work, did other things like post-graduate studies, driving, and before you know it, the years have gone by without anyone in sight.

Then there are people like me, who have gone through failed relationships, and since then, never did find anyone more suitable, so still bouncing around without any hint of settling down. So what constitutes a perfect match? Is it a perfect match when both have the same shared interests and able to have fun and do things together? Or is it a perfect match when despite all the differences, both still manage to overcome everything and be together?

But I firmly believe that true love takes time, and only by going through trials can the love sustain. Nobody falls in love at first sight (okay, perhaps there are, but still, it takes time to know a person to determine whether both are really suitable). It is only when both are able to overcome the difficulties and stumbling blocks along the way that the love will emerge stronger than before.

So is there really a perfect match? Perhaps, perhaps not. Nobody is perfect, so I guess a perfect match is only as perfect as one makes them out to be - the commitment, tolerance, acceptance and respect both have for each other that determines a strong relationship.